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Volume X, Issue No.
1
February, 2004
HIV/AIDS Volunteer Enrichment Network
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Volume X, Issue No.
1
February, 2004
HIV/AIDS Volunteer Enrichment Network
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“THANK YOU” TO
HAVEN’S SWEETHEARTS
By Tony Teano
Everything that gets accomplished at HAVEN gets done because of the help of volunteers. 2003 was a memorable year, and that’s because of the sweethearts who freely give of their time to make things happen. From the nuts-and-bolts of helping with office filing to throwing a fabulous Holiday Party, including volunteers who fold newsletters and give a lift to a doctor’s office or to a support group meeting, you have our enduring thanks. You own HAVEN’s sweet success! Take pride!
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
By Tony Teano
There are many ways to say, “I love you.” Stevie Wonder’s smash hit has him simply calling to say it. An elegant sonnet by Elizabeth Barret Browning begins “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!” …Story Continued on Page 2, see “VALENTINE’S”
SAVE THE DATE!
Delta Sigma Theta Sorority is planning a
FUN FAMILY CARNIVAL
Sat. Mar. 13
Especially for YOU!
HELP ME, RHONDA!
By Rhonda Vous
A. Do what my idol Aretha Franklin says to do in RESPECT! “TCB”—take care of business, including taking care of yourself! Respect means self-respect, too. It is so nice to relax, guilt-free! It is fabu that you wanna do something social-justicey as well. I recommend two fun ways two ways to help HAVEN achieve its mission in February:
1. Attend the February 22nd Benefit Concert featuring Not What You Think at the Oakland Mills Interfaith Center in Columbia from 4-6pm. Admission is only $10 for adults, children get in free. Proceeds will go to several charities, and HAVEN has been selected as one of them! For more details, phone me up or see related article “Not What You Think” in this issue, on page 3. (Thank you to Rev. Lance Mullins and MCCHC for selecting HAVEN as a beneficiary! Big drag queen air kisses to y’all!)
…Story Continued on Page 3, see “RHONDA!”
Valentine’s
(cont’d. from The front page)
Many folks appreciate simple things that show affection. But the list doesn’t stop at Mr. Wonder’s or Ms. Browning’s suggestions. In addition to phone calls and sonnets, there are chocolates, flowers, candlelight suppers, etc. But in our culture, like many, perhaps it is physical intimacy that gets the most emphasis--those romantic (and lets face it, sometimes comedic) moments. Ironically, sex is a seldom talked-about topic in polite company. It is taboo. I think it is important to challenge that perception, especially around Valentine’s Day (especially since I’m in the HIV field!). I know several couples who have been in a romantic relationship where one partner is HIV+ and the other is not. And I also know successful couples where both partners are HIV+. By successful, I mean not only by standing the test of time, but also by keeping healthy habits. Keeping healthy habits in this instance means using precautions to keep the HIV from transmitting to the other partner. Actively taking steps to reduce HIV transmission is important, whether one partner has, or both partners have, HIV. If one partner is HIV-, the reason is obvious. By why take precautions if both are HIV+? Because they may not have the same strain of the virus, and different virus strains respond differently to anti-retroviral therapy due to issues such as resistance. Eleven years ago, AIDS Project Los Angeles produced a great pamphlet titled “Tonight’s The Night To Do It Right,” which is available at the HAVEN office. If you are squeamish, skip ahead to the next article. This description is candid and frank, no frills, just clinical facts. Here is an excerpt from the APLA pamphlet: The Chart below shows how anal, vaginal and oral sex can be made safer by lowering the risk of coming into contact with blood, semen (including pre-cum) or vaginal fluids. The decisions are yours to make.
LESS RISK…………………………..…………MORE RISK
Anal sex with condom and water based lubricant |
Anal sex with condom |
Anal sex no condom |
Vaginal sex with condom and water based lubricant |
Vaginal sex with condom |
Vaginal sex no condom |
Oral sex on a man with condom |
Oral sex on a man no condom to ejaculation |
|
Oral sex on a woman with a latex square |
Oral sex on a woman no barrier |
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Lowering The Risk:
*Using latex squares, plastic
wrap or an unlubricated condom cut in half for oral sex with a woman or for
oral/anal sex.
*Using condoms for oral sex
with a man
*Please each other with other
activities like massage, masturbation or body rubbing that do not involve the
exchange of blood, semen or vaginal fluids
*Knowing if you or the person
you are having sex with is HIV infected
*Limiting the number of people
you have sex with
*Avoiding the use of alcohol or
drugs before having sex. Drugs and
alcohol may influence your decision and may reduce your ability to practice
safer sex.
Also worth mentioning are three pamphlets produced by ETR Associates (in conjunction with high school and college students across the country). First, “101 Ways To Say NO To Sex” has useful phrases if you are not interested at that time, or ever: #14 Rub my back instead; #35 I said NO and I MEAN IT; #47 We can find other ways to express our love; #53 I just want to hold you; #78 This isn’t the right time; #92 Lets wait. That’s just a random sampling of the clear, direct communication that is necessary to establish healthy boundaries in intimate relationships and decline sex.
Here’s another ETR publication, “101 Ways to Make Love Without Doin’ It,” which suggests ideas like: #3 Make the other person feel important and respected; #89 Watch the sunset; #94 play “footsie;” #100 Share an ice cream cone.
So if you aren’t ready for sex, feel free to borrow any of these phrases or ideas or come up with your own to respectfully and firmly decline the offer. Sex is not an obligation. It is owed to no one. A tower of fancy chocolates and a mountain of red roses doesn’t mean you have to sleep with the person who gave them to you. If this Valentine’s Day you want to do something other than make love, say so--and say it confidently!
ETR’s “101 Reasons to be Monogamous” asserts that reducing the number of sexual partners decreases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Of course, that concept works best when both partners agree to it, and only when they are truly monogamous! Other beneficial reasons include: #24 Won’t run into another partner at a party; #65 Companionship; and #101 Can change and grow with another person. Barring abstinence, health professionals overwhelmingly assert that safer sex in a monogamous relationship helps avoid sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.
From a culturally and historically curious perspective, many folks wonder, “How did Valentine’s Day get started, anyway?” For 800 years prior to the official establishment of a St. Valentine’s Day, ancient Romans observed an adolescent male rite of passage where boys drew names in a lottery for young women conscripted to be their sexual companion for a year! The early church changed this custom so that both young men and women would draw the names of saints whom they would try to emulate for the next year. The church renamed the festival from honoring the pagan god Luprecus to the early martyr St. Valentine. Valentine had secretly married couples during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius had outlawed marriage because he thought it made for poor soldiers. Valentine was arrested and imprisoned. According to the story, Valentine had healed his jailer’s daughter, with whom he fell in love. The night before he was stoned to death and beheaded, he sent a farewell note to her, signed, “From your Valentine.”
Thank goodness we’ve come a long way since then! If you are celebrating Valentine’s Day with someone, I hope this column gave you some useful things to consider about safer sex, self-respect, and respecting others. If you are single this Valentine’s Day, do something good for yourself—remember, self-love comes in many forms, too!
RHONDA!
(cont’d. from The front page)
2. HAVEN Friends is a monthly social group open to volunteers, too! It is free and fun! Bowling! Mini golf! (I hate that windmill!) Pizza and movie night! (My fave is drag queen bingo, of course!) Call the office to find out when/what is planned this month, hon!
“Help
me, Rhonda!” should not be construed as a replacement or substitute for a
medical professional. Always talk to your
doctor and case manager about your health concerns. Send your question via snail-mail or email, or ring up Rhonda at
the office!
BEAT THE WINTER BLUES.
VENTURE OUT OF
YOUR HIBERNATIon CAVE
AND JOIN The Newsroom crew!
IT Is So much fun
you may find it… unbearable!
Not What You Think!
By Tony Teano
Nationally known, D.C.-based "Not What You Think" (NWYT) will perform at a concert to benefit community-based charities on February 22nd from 4-6 p.m. at the Oakland Mills Interfaith Center at 5885 Robert Oliver Place in Columbia, MD 21045. (Driving directions are available online at www.themeetinghouse.org). Tickets will be sold at the door and are $10 for adults, and children get in free.
HAVEN has been selected as one of the beneficiaries of the event, which is sponsored by the Metropolitan Community Church of Howard County, the Columbia United Christian Church, and the Columbia Jewish Congregation.
NWYT is an ensemble of the Lesbian & Gay Chorus of Washington, D.C., and performs pop, light jazz, and folk. NWYT has opened for the Fabulous Flirtations 5 times, has been featured in the Foyer Series at The Kennedy Center before the opening of Angels in America, and has performed at the Academy Awards of Washington. To find out more about NWYT, visit www.nwyt.org. Want more concert info? Call Rev. Lance Mullins of MCCHC at 410/370-9663.
BUDDY
TRAINING
Saturday,
February
28th
9
am to 6 pm
at HERO
(One block below North Avenue
At Maryland And Lafayette
1734 Maryland Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21201 )
Register
by calling tony at
410-224-aids
[2437]
By Tony Teano
A buddy is a specially trained volunteer (who can also be a client!). A buddy can participate in HAVEN Friends and get acquainted with several folks who may need a sympathetic ear from time to time, or someone to help them achieve a goal. A buddy is a friend who can be a coach, a mentor, a kindred spirit, etc. We ask for a minimum six-month commitment to this program, either by participating in HAVEN Friends, or through temporary one-on-one matches, if appropriate. Questions? Call Vance at 410-672-7571 or Tony at the office 410-224-2437. If you’ve read this far, why not at least take the training and see if this is a good fit for you? It is a highly informative training that anyone concerned about HIV/AIDS can benefit from!
PRAISES SUNG!
By Tony Teano
The Greater Baltimore HIV Planning Council staff quizzed Diane Goforth to see if she was coming to a meeting in Baltimore. Meanwhile, Diane was making every effort to meet a grant application deadline. Finally, they told her that they wanted to give her an award, and that they’d really like to know if she was going to be there. Diane replied, “The greatest award you can give me right now is to save me the trip driving to Baltimore and back and let me work on my grant application!”
On Dec. 16th, Raymond Shattuck accepted a beautiful “Unsung Hero” award on Diane’s behalf, which was formally presented to her by the co-chairs of the counties meeting on January 6th. It is a lovely wall plaque, which you can admire next time you visit her home. The award was accompanied by a letter from planning council chair Debbie Rock and vice-chair Lena Franklin, which reads:
On behalf of the Greater Baltimore HIV Health Services
Planning Council, I want to recognize you for a special recognition award for
service to the council.
For over six years you have served as a member of the
counties committee and when the call went out for a representative from the
counties to serve on the evaluation committee, you stepped forward. You have faithfully driven from Anne Arundel
County at least once each month to help the evaluation committee oversee the
expenditure of the Ryan White grant funds, this year over $21 million. You have made extra efforts to change your
schedule to attend special meetings and have, just in the past year, attended
15 meetings and participated in numerous conference calls.
When the evaluation committee was undergoing a leadership
change, you again accepted the duty and became the co-chair. Always working hard to balance your role as
a Title I provider with your responsibilities as a planner, representing the
six surrounding counties, you have set an example to be admired and imitated.
The planning council truly appreciates and recognizes all
your contributions and thanks you as one of its unsung heroes.
Bravo, Diane! If only they knew how well you sing in church choir would they be able to appreciate the irony of an “unsung” hero award! I know many voices join those of Ms. Rock and Ms. Franklin to sing your praise. Including me.
h.A.v.e.n.
Telephone Numbers
President Board of Directors
Steve Migdal
(410) 263-8855
Executive Director
Diane Goforth
(410) 544-2244
Director of Volunteers & Client Services
Tony Teano
(410) 224-2437
Housing Director & Buddy Services
Coordinator
Vance Larson
(410) 672-7571
